Off to surgery again in the morning! Please pray for there to be no infection in the process and that I won’t have the nausea and vomiting like I did last time! This will be about a 3 hour surgery in which they will cut back open my scars and insert expanders with a small amount of saline under the muscle. Then after I heal, I will go in every 2-3 weeks and get saline injected to stretch and regenerate the skin and muscles. Once that is done over several months, they will go in again and take the expanders out and put the implants in. I’m thankful to get this part of my journey started because it has been, surprisingly, a little tougher on my self esteem than I thought it would be not having a body part that helps define you as a woman in our culture…..
There are a lot of women who don’t necessarily love (or even like) what they see when they look in the mirror. I really have not liked what I’ve seen in the mirror this summer, but even before cancer caused me to lose body parts, I would have to admit that there was always something that I wasn’t crazy about when I looked in the mirror. Unfortunately, I think sometimes even the most physically beautiful women are not in love with what they see in the mirror. As women we tend to want what we can’t have! If we have straight hair, we want it to be curly. If we have red hair we want it to be black. If we have brown hair we want it to be blond. I have to say that we seem to disagree with God on whether or not He made the right choices in His design of us! Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for “changing your look” every once in a while, and I believe you should work to be healthy– but it can be unhealthy when we don’t accept the image in the mirror as BEAUTIFUL. So, try something that has been working for me – ask God this question – when you look in the mirror: God, do you think I’m beautiful? God wants you to ask Him because He loves to answer! Remember? “The King is enthralled by your beauty.” Psalm 45:11 Ask that, by the power of the Holy Spirit, you would begin to believe in your heart that the King (God) is captivated by your beauty!!
He created us for an eternal relationship with Him (John 3:16)
He values us (Luke 7:28)
He is for us (Romans 8:31)
He is at work in us (Philippians 2:13)
He wants us to be free (Galatians 5:1)
He is aware of and responds to our needs (Isaiah 65:24)
Join me in working to believe and receive the TRUTH of God’s love for us and our God given beauty! Let the truth of God’s love be louder than the recordings in our heads! He really thinks we are beautiful! All of us….inside and out…top to bottom….Yep, even for those of us totally flat or incredibly curvy….”Beautiful!”, He says!! He’s grown me in the last three months in the area of humility, but also to allow me to understand that He has a much better eye for beauty than I do ;)
Troy will be posting when I’m out and all is well!! Thank you for your prayers and love – I feel it!!! I know that God is with me and not ONE day has gone by that I haven’t thanked Him for saving me from chemotherapy, radiation, and so much more that I could have faced.